My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
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