Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
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You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
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8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
Randomize