That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
Randomize
