Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
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