I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
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