Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Randomize
