My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
Randomize
