I faked an abortion last night.
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
Randomize
