shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Randomize
