I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
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I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
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There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
Your topless pictures make me question reality
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
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