you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
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