Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Randomize
