i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
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