You made me cry and you don't even care
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
Randomize
