Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
...so i touched it.
that was a gay-test. you passed.
with flying rainbow colors i hope!
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
home. puking in laundry basket.
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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