great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
Randomize
