True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize
