Why does Corona taste like a burp?
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Randomize
