I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
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