you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
and eventually we just all took our pants off
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