This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
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