got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
Randomize
