man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
Randomize
