Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
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