Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
sick fucks of a feather flock together
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
Randomize
