After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
Fuck me I smell like cheese
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize
