I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
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