my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
Randomize
