i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
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