i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
Randomize
