The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
Randomize
