You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
Randomize