I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
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