My hand turned me down
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
Randomize