Midget sex pt 2 tonight
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
Randomize
