Duck Duck Cougar?
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
Randomize
