there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
