Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
Randomize
