I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
