when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
I can't trust your balls anymore.
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
Randomize
