Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
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