Where you are. You must stay where you are are
Where you are. You must stay where you are arewhere are youu
Where you are. You must stay where you 5eare wher are you!!
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
Randomize
