Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
Randomize
