he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
Randomize
