You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
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