I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
you are never too drunk for berry picking
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
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