Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
