did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
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