my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
Randomize
