hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
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