drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
Randomize
