Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
Randomize
