My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
Who died my cat blue again?
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
Congratulations! We have a period
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize
