You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
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