you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
Randomize
