I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize