At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize
