Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
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