I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
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