I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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