exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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