just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
Randomize
