yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
This toilet bowl is my home.
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
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