Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
Randomize
