I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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