I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Randomize
