when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
Randomize
