Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Randomize
